When I arrived in Germany on February 5th, 2019, I was lost, confused, and seeking help at a small police station in Hilden near Düsseldorf. I had no idea what an asylum seeker was or how to navigate the process, but I knew I needed to find safety and a future. The police guided me through the registration process, marking the beginning of an arduous journey that would test my resilience and determination.

After completing the registration, I was sent to a refugee camp in Bramsche near Osnabrück. Life in the Bramsche refugee camp was confusing and depressing. The language barrier made it hard to communicate, and not knowing what would happen next made those two months feel endless. The camp was filled with people from various countries, each with their own languages and cultures, making it challenging to connect with others. The uncertainty and isolation weighed heavily on me.

After two months, I was transferred to another small town called Esterwegen in Niedersachsen. I shared a house there with three other Pakistanis. Even though I could talk with them, my life was still hard because I was waiting for an answer about my asylum application. This town had no opportunities for a foreigner, it was such a small town that after 18:00 there in no bus coming or going out of town. The waiting period extended to more than three months, during which I was unsure of my future in Germany. Living in a new country, surrounded by uncertainty, made me very depressed.

I wanted to continue my education, so I asked the local Rathaus if I could go to a school or university. Despite having the equivalent of a German high school education, I was told that I needed to wait for my application answer and complete an integration course first. Although I was somewhat relieved to know the next step, I found out from the nearest school that I had to wait another six months for the next integration course to begin. By that time, I had already spent six months in Germany alone, doing nothing but worrying about my future. Unfortunately, my asylum application was rejected by the court. I had no choice but to appeal and try again with the help of a lawyer who was recommended to me.

One night, at around 3:30 am, I was suddenly woken up by more than eight policemen in the house. They came to deport one of my roommates because his application was rejected. This incident instilled a deep fear in me about the possibility of my application being rejected and facing deportation. The fear of experiencing the same fate kept me awake at night, and I often had nightmares about being taken away.

Determined to change my situation, I decided to create opportunities for myself. I found the English taught international study programme Print Media Technologies at Hochschule der Medien in Stuttgart which rose my interest and I applied for admission. I had to take an interview and I was asked about my academic background and about my aspirations. Luckily I got admitted and received a letter of enrolment. However, I was told by my Ausländerbehörde I couldn’t leave my assigned residence in Esterwegen without permission. Stuttgart was an eight-hour journey from Esterwegen, and I had to travel back every one or two weeks to check my mail and prove I was still living there. This routine was exhausting and expensive because I always traveled at night to save money. Despite these challenges, I remained committed to my education.

I applied to transfer from Esterwegen to Stuttgart, but it took over a year and a half. The COVID-19 pandemic stopped my travel temporarily, which gave me some relief, but it also brought new challenges and increased my depression. By this time, my application for asylum had already been rejected twice, and I was issued a document called Duldung. Living in Germany with a Duldung visa, which means “temporary suspension of deportation,” was very stressful. I couldn’t leave the country, live outside my assigned city, or work without permission, which usually took up to 8-12 weeks to get, all of this instilled me with another fear if I will be able to complete my study course.  I received no money and with the help of the study programme and the work I did as a student assistant, I managed to keep myself afloat.

The fear of deportation and possibility to not complete my study haunted me, disrupting my sleep and making me avoid my room at night. I often spent nights at a friend’s place, too frightened to sleep alone. Even the slightest noise at night would wake me up in fear. I knew I had to do something to stay in Germany. With limited options, I found out about the Härtefallkommission (Hardship Commission) and, with the help of my Academic Dean, Prof. Dr. Volker Jansen, I applied for it in July 2021. Professor Jansen went with me to the police station in Stuttgart as I had no passport, which I needed for the application. My passport was taken during my long journey from Pakistan to Germany by the traffickers, leaving me without passport when I arrived in Germany via the Balkan route. The police gave me a confirmation that my passport had been stolen and with this document I was able to apply for a new passport at the Pakistani embassy. That took many weeks. When the passport finally arrived, the Härtefallantrag or hardship application could be submitted. Prof. Jansen wrote a long justification for the application, which cannot be issued by the asylum seeker him or herself. Despite the low success rate, I did not lose hope. These worries often distracted me from my studies, but I was determined not to give up.

Following a period of one and a half years, the Härtefallantrag was finally accepted by the Ministry of Justice in January 2023. This resulted in Prof. Jansen receiving a letter from the Ministry stating that I could apply for a residence permit. Eventually I received a valid residence permit that allowed me to work and live anywhere in Germany and for the first time I was allowed to travel outside of Germany. After 4 years of struggle for the first, I felt a sense of freedom and security. In May 2024, I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree of Engineering (B.Eng.) in Print Media Technologies from Hochschule der Medien.

Now, I am pursuing a career in Engineering and continue to live in Germany. Although I still feel uneasy around the police and sometimes fear deportation, I believe my decision to pursue my education was crucial. My professor always tells me that if I hadn’t made that call for the admission interview, he would not have been able to take me. He also reminds me that one good thing about me is that I am reliable. Looking back, I realize that despite the fear and uncertainty, my perseverance and the support from others helped me overcome the toughest times. My choices and motivation to improve myself led me towards success.

My story shows the strength and resilience of the human spirit. I hope everyone who is in the same situation should not lose hope and keep trying for the best to improve themselves. Learning is crucial part of life which can help you to get out of an situation.